Title Pending

As a woman, my heart is broken, sad and confused.  As a Christian, I can’t look at myself.  I have to work to understand the other side and to remember that there are greater things at work seeking to steal, kill and destroy all that is good and could be used to make a difference in the world.

The easy thing for me to do in this situation would be to withdraw, or to try to prove my case about how I’ve been wronged and how right I am.  The truth is, I had a hand in what’s taking place, and I choose love.  What is love?  No, it’s not the “I like the way you make me feel therefore I love you, and when you don’t give me what I want or keep me happy I’m going to throw a tantrum and run, or punish you by withholding things from you” definition you typically see in people, Christian or not.  We’re all human, we all behave this way. This is what the Bible has to say about what love is:

“4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8Love never fails….” 1 Cor 13:4-8

I fail at all of these characteristics of love.  Daily.  They don’t come naturally, ESPECIALLY in the face of heartbreak and confusion, which is when I need to be reminded of them the most and require God’s help to not do the wrong things. Specifically the self-seeking and being proud parts. Oh, and the keeping records of wrongs….and being easily angered….OK,fine, all of them.  But I CHOOSE the characteristics that are listed here.  They aren’t a feeling.  If you notice, they are actions.  I choose to wait, to act with kindness, to put myself last, to hear the whole story, not make assumptions or jump to conclusions, be slow to anger, to forgive, to protect the hearts of those I have relationship with or those around me that have no voice, to hope in the Lord, and to never, ever give up.  I know that Jesus did this for me on the cross, bloodied, bruised, almost unrecognizable as human, and still loves me in this way every day even when I hurt Him with my sin- my bitterness, my unforgiveness, my pride.  If Jesus does it for me, who am I to not follow His example?

That said, I’m beat up. I’ve been in this ring for a long time now and I’m seeing stars but I am NOT going down. Gotta keep fighting the fight, even though I feel like I’m losing, the enemy is winning and all that’s worth fighting for is slipping away….

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Eph 6:12

I feel like I fight the spiritual battle alone most of the time, and if that is the way it will always be, then so be it.  I will stay on my knees till they bleed.  I will cry till there is no water left in my body.  I will lift my voice to my Deliverer who gives me the peace that passes understanding in the middle of this storm. I will not give up, even if the fight kills me.  Bring it, enemy, let’s go one more round…..

I’m in awe.  I keep going over my daughter’s party in my mind, thinking of how well it went, but more, the quality of character in the company she keeps and being slapped in the face with the reality that they’re not little anymore.  First, my older two girls kids got all dolled up Old Hollywood/red carpet style, with make-up and heels.  That was enough to make my jaw drop.  The youngest three chose characters instead- Annah was Annie, Alaynah was Hannah Montana and Aaron was Buzz Lightyear.  Then their friends began to arrive.  One by one, they came through the front door as if stepping from childhood to young adulthood, especially since some of them are now taller than I am without heels.  These girls are all beautiful inside and out to begin with.  Having that accentuated with formal clothes, hair and make-up done, and heels was enough to nearly bring me to tears.  I was surrounded not by little girls, but by amazing young women. Snapshots of young childhood memories with most of the girls started pouring into my mind, bringing me to the sudden reality of where, and who, they are now.

These girls are godly, talented, strong yet feminine, highly intelligent, diligent, patient, helpful, thoughtful, and funny.  They don’t swear.  They’re not boy-crazy.  They’re not selfish, they have servant’s hearts.  They’re not clique-ish, and they go out of their way to make new people or those they don’t know well feel comfortable.  I firmly believe that the qualities I see are a direct result of prayer and the investment that the parents have made into their children’s hearts.  I love seeing seeds bear fruit!

Earlier that day, I had to run around gathering up last-minute things, which took longer than I thought it would.  I’m so thankful that Rebekah, my sister Katie and Robert were here to work on the house, decorating, etc, and then after I got home, helping to prepare the food.  The decorations were found at Party America, in the Oscars night section, discovered by my sister.  We bought signs that said “Lights, Camera, Action, Hollywood, Awards Night, Party with the Stars” and in the place where they were giving their speeches “And the winner is…..”.  The colors were red, black and gold and we added a few balloons to accentuate the signs.  Our living room is painted tan with one accent wall in red, so the colors Sarah chose appealed to my OCD matchi-ness.  Anyway, I couldn’t have done it without their help.

The party began with the girls eating from an array of appetizers and salads while they mingled.  Shortly after that, we began the videos.  Oh.  My.  Goodness.  First of all, I was impressed by how much they all participated.  Next, the uniqueness of each video was so much fun! One video was of two girls on a trampoline, tied together at the ankle, with balls on it, “Dodgeball Trampoline”.  Their trying to get OFF the trampoline while still tied together was really what made it.  There was one video, “The Unusual Pills”, created by one of the girls, where it shows her looking for a headache pill (candy), and after several times, showing her “growing and shrinking”, using her younger sister and a friend as the alternate of herself.  Another one, “The Stupid Version of Robin Hood”, had a couple of the girls dramatizing an edited, more modern and funny version of Robin Hood, complete with costumes and music.  Rebekah had chosen a couple of videos, in which it shows our kids pushing each other out of the way to get camera time, and one of Adriannah’s 2nd birthday when we were making cake or something and Annah was smeared with chocolate, Sarah was licking the bottom of a large bowl so you couldn’t see her head and Rebekah was making faces at herself in the camera (she could see the screen). There were also videos of Sarah’s friends when they were younger, which were hilarious and put things into even clearer perspective between then and now, as if I needed it.  I knew these girls were talented but I really began to get a better understanding of just how creative and well-rounded they are.  One girl’s writing a book (several of the girls, including Sarah who has a poetry and script collection, are looking into getting published) and sewed a beautiful costume for one of the other girls based on the one of the characters in the book.

Then, more food. I have to say, I know our family eats a lot, and that the girls are teens, but I was not expecting the quickness with which the amount of food was gone, and I mean GONE.  Thank God I bought extra so I could refill platters.  Then, more talent and creativity.  Many of the girls play piano and sing, so hearing them all take turns playing and singing together was a lovely accompaniment while I worked in the kitchen to put more food out.  They also interacted with our youngest kids, and while this didn’t surprise me as many of them have younger siblings, it blessed me to see the enjoyment, patience and kindness they took in playing with them.

The next thing was hearing the speeches.  MORE creativity, and wit, I might add.  The girls have such a great understanding of humor, and the satire of Hollywood they showed, they should ALL be on stage for real.  Just amazing…..”I’d like to thank the maker of this dress for FINALLY getting it right, I don’t feel squeezed into it like a sausage this time”….”Thanks to George Clooney, oh, and my parents for giving birth to me, and to all the little people, you know who you are”….and tying their speeches into their videos and costumes.  Here’s the birthday girl’s speech…

I thank the Academy for this award,
But the film in itself was its own fine reward!
I thank the director, the cast and the crew
And thanks to the fam’ly—you know I love you.
Thanks to my sisters and one single brother
And thanks to my parents, my father and mother.
I was so happy to work on this show;
I’m glad that it helped my career to grow.
The friends in the audience helped me to shine,
But it should be known that this trophy is MINE.
Those who are backstage just have no clue
What it’s like to be famous, but that’s all on you.
So now, with this this trophy, as I walk off the stage
I think you should know that I improve with age.
And that I am so grateful to everybody
But the person who made this all happen was ME.
No hard feelings, people.
Thanks.

It’s hard to tell from writing the expression they used while delivering their speeches.  All I can say is they had us rotflol, because their tone, body language and facial expressions were spot on.

Then it was time to vote on best costume, video and speech.  I had made it so everyone would go home with a prize.  The prizes were 1st place in each category, Claire’s gift cards, 2nd place Starbucks, 3rd place Jamba Juice and 4th, cash, in descending amounts. We also had as a “bonus prize” a bowl filled with a mix of candy you’d find at a movie theater, you all know the game, you have to guess how many there are in the bowl and whoever gets the closest without going over gets the prize, which was cash in this case.  So they voted, and while they were doing that and Robert was tallying everything up I got things ready for cake, which was awesome, by the way.  My mom and Sarah made an orange coconut cake the night before and spent the better part of the day of the party decorating it with fondant to look like a film reel.

We sang to Sarah, had cake, and then it was time for the distribution of prizes.  I could swear that these girls have seen a Miss America pageant or two, because their spoof of pageant contestants while they were waiting for their names to be announced, and then when their names were called, was hysterical.  The party was scheduled to end at 9:30, and at this point it was 9:00, which gave us just enough time to open gifts before limos started showing up to take the stars home.

Side note, we’ve done slumber parties in the past and while everyone’s getting along and having a good time at night, the next day is a challenge for both girls and parents who have to deal with kids who haven’t slept enough and have had too much stimulation.  We gave Sarah a choice to invite a large group and have the party end at 9:30 or have just a couple friends to spend the night.  I’m glad she chose the way she did.

Yet again, I was blown away by the talent and creativity.  While there were gift cards for places Sarah likes to shop, and hats (her favorite accessory), which were thoughtful by themselves, many of the girls had handmade gifts thinking of Sarah’s likes, favorite color, etc.  One girl made a turquoise hat by hand, one crocheted and stuffed very cute monkey (Sarah’s favorite animal), one girl made some very cute earrings, which I may have to borrow, in turquoise.  So thoughtful and creative.

I see Sarah and the friends she and Rebekah have and am so thankful that their junior high experience has been so different than mine was, that they and their friends are not caught up in drama and cattiness, that those things aren’t generally in the character of who they are.

I think the girls all had a great time.  Prayerfully memories were made that they’ll be able to take with them for the rest of their lives, I know they were for me.

So my husband and daughter started the Insanity workout which means that we started eating a bit differently. We had a diet setback triggered by the holidays, but seem to be getting back on track.  I’ve also been working hard to make sure that we are buying quality foods, as organic and as artificial-stuff free as possible.  Trader Joe’s, the farmer’s market and Azure Standard has helped in this area.  If Whole Foods was closer, we’d be there a lot too.

Anyway, Rebekah came up with doing a burger salad, I compiled the ingredients (more recipes to come), and all the kids loved helping with this one.  We decided on mushroom swiss but you can vary this a million different ways.  Have fun!

Mushroom Swiss Burger Salad with Bacon Dijon Dressing:

dark leafy greens, 2 lbs lean ground beef (96/4), egg white, Mrs Dash steak seasoning, 1 cup shredded cheese, 2 pkgs mushrooms, tomatoes, scallions, 1 c red wine vinegar, 3 tbsp dijon mustard, agave nectar to taste and 1/2 pkg bacon.

salad: mix meat, egg white and  seasoning together, form tiny patties and cook till done. let cool.  sautee mushrooms in a bit of ghee, olive or coconut oil, let cool.  toss greens, burger bits, mushrooms and cheese together.  the scallions and tomatoes are optional.

dressing: crisp bacon, let cool. mix red wine vinegar and 3 tbsp of dijon mustard.  add agave nectar to taste.  add bacon bits to dressing. you may need to doctor the amounts according to your taste buds

approx. nutrition per 2 cup serving w/2 tbsp dressing: cal 350, fat 10g, sodium 300mg, sugar 10g, fiber 5g, protein 48g

NOTES: I use certified organic produce.  I use crimini mushrooms for their hearty flavor, but use your preference. I use agave in place of sugar.  It’s low-glycemic but you need to use less of it.  You could also use stevia.  I use bacon that has no nitrates or nitrites, which I get at Trader Joe’s but any preservative-free will do.  Ghee is clarified butter.  I try to use organic, grass-fed beef when we can.  I’m finding that I’m sensitive to dairy products, so I use raw, aged cheese as it’s more easily digested.  You can use any dressing you like, but I thought the bacon and dijon would complement this salad well plus it has no oil in it.

As parents, we have exposed our kids to various activities from the time they were small.  Along the way they have discovered things about themselves and it has been a joy to watch them get dirty as they explore the things that they’re passionate, or not so passionate, about, from sports, to drama, to music, to horses…….

In September, I learned about a need that a Christian homeschool choir needed that I thought our eldest, Sarah, would like to do.  They needed an additional pianist to accompany the Christmas program so the job could be shared and both pianists would have a chance to sing.  Sarah did it, did it well,and loved it.  At first, our other children didn’t really want to participate, but as we went to rehearsals, and they saw the performance, they developed an interest.

So come January, we signed all the girls up.  Aaron wanted to do it too, but is still a little young, although he hits a mean high E.  In spring the choir, Jubilate Deo, always does a musical.  This year, they’re doing “It’s a Wonderful Life”, which will be performed in May.  It’s been so much fun helping them memorize lines, songs and solos, shopping for period costumes (Depression into WWII era), and going to rehearsals.  It also gives them something to work on together and keeps them from fighting (mostly).

Shortly after we signed them up for the musical, I took them to see Starstruck Theatre’s performance of “The Music Man”.  Several of our fellow homeschoolers have been performing with StarStruck for a while so of course we wanted to see them and show our support.  The bite of the acting bug grew deeper.

They heard that auditions for “Les Miserables” were coming up, so on top of working on “It’s a Wonderful Life”, we worked to prepare them for these auditions. We knew that since this show was geared towards older teens, and that 75 girls were auditioning for 20 roles, they may not be cast but the experience was one that they could grow from.  They didn’t get cast for the show,but were told by the voice director that they have what it takes and to come back to audition for “Annie”, a well as apply for the summer camps.

In the meantime, they are taking voice lessons from their choir director who is a professional opera singer.  Sarah just started a Broadway dance class, and they’re all going to be starting tap and jazz classes soon.  Once “It’s a Wonderful Life” is over, they’ll begin group voice lessons with a different instructor.

We also found out yesterday that Sarah and Rebekah were accepted into StarStruck’s summer camp, which will be “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat”.  Adriannah and Alaynah will be in “A Year with Frog and Toad”, which will begin, thankfully, after “Joseph” is over and be performed before school starts.  Then, “Annie” auditions.

Also during the summer, after “Joseph” is performed, Rebekah, our horse-lover,will possibly be doing some volunteer work with horse camps at Hillcrest.  I’m still waiting to find out about the age minimum, but they offer summer camps each week during the summer.  Rebekah has wanted to participate in these camps, but if she volunteers, she gets to work with the horses and the kids and ride sometimes, all for free.  The nice thing is all of those hours will count towards her community service requirements doing something that won’t even feel like work to her.

Is it worth it, you ask?  Absolutely.  While some people would shy away from such large commitments, and there was a time when we couldn’t because of the season that we were in, I embrace them.  I enjoyed the time when we had tiny ones, filled with nursing, diapers and stollers, but I have anticipated this season as well.  I’m having so much fun running around and actually doing these things WITH my kids, and thankful, once again, that we homeschool.  If we didn’t, the opportunities to do what they love, and the time that those commitments take, wouldn’t be available to them.  We would all be missing out.

And what about Aaron, you say?  He’ll be starting martial arts , and maybe hip-hop, soon, which will enhance his ability to play the Asp (Karate instructor in “Annie”) when it comes time.  After all, he CAN hit that mean high E.

Earlier this year, in January to be specific, I was photographed running a red light. I mean, there is NO denying that it was me and that I did it.  That camera, in a matter of half a second, took pictures from every angle to capture the criminal activity.  I received the photos in the mail and set a court date.

The court date was last Friday, 10/23, at 9 am and the judge was no joke.  If you were not prepared, he made an example out of you and sat you back down, and tried again. “I have a whole courtroom full of people, be prepared when you come up here!”  There were few of these.  There were also several non-English speaking groups who needed a translator, so for each group, the translator for that language stood next to the podium while each person came up to plead their case.  He took these groups first.  I kept looking at the clock and after a while it was already 10:30.  I had thought for sure I’d be out of there by then. Now I was beginning to think that we’d have a lunch recess and I wouldn’t have my turn until 5:00, so I was pleasantly surprised when I was called at around 11:30.  Really this is how our conversation went and it took ten seconds or less.  I would have been one less person for him to be annoyed with and been out of there right away because I had my stuff together had I been called first.  “How do you plead?”  “Guilty your honor.”  “How would you like to pay the fine?”  The fine being around $450, I opted for Central Collections, where they allow you to pay it off over time. “Thank you,” said the judge. And it was done.  I got my record of the proceeding and was able to go get my payment arrangements set up, so after all was said and done I didn’t leave the courthouse till almost lunchtime.  Good thing, I was hungry from all that hard work.

Then on Monday, on my way to take my oldest daughter to her science class, my next oldest daughter, being at home, called me.  Now, I have a bluetooth, but it doesn’t stay on my ear and I have yet to replace it.  The speaker on my phone is tricky to get to so sometimes it works, sometimes it puts people on hold, or mutes the phone.  I’m not about to NOT answer a call from my children, as it might be an emergency and I need them to be able to reach me, so of course I answered.  Of course the speaker didn’t cooperate.  And of course there was a cop that saw me for the minute I was on the phone.  Oh no.  I tried explaining my situation to him, but he very politely said he was going to go ahead and give me the citation and that by signing I wasn’t admitting guilt.  So I get another day in court for Christmas.  Well, four days after Christmas.  Maybe the cop will be out of town for the holidays.

Yesterday, while my oldest daughter was at choir rehearsal, we decided to go to Trader Joe’s to pick up a few things and try to find Curious Joe, a stuffed monkey who is hidden somewhere differentin the store.  Searching for him keeps the kids occupied, and when they find him they get a prize.  So we check out and head to the truck.  As the kids are just getting their seatbelts on and I’m closing the back passenger door and about to walk the cart to the trunk to load the groceries, our truck, my beautiful Suburban, jerks forward.  Thank God my kids had their belts on and I was not loading groceries yet.  I look around the back to see that a Yukon from Oregon (those out-of-state Yukons, ugh!) has backed into me and damaged the right side of my bumper, pushing the plastic upward in an awkward way and denting the metal so that when the kids make faces in it it becomes a funhouse.  Of course, the driver doesn’t speak English except for saying she was sooo sorry, but the lady who was with her promptly calls the brother of the owner of the car, I get his business card and the name of the driver.  In the meantime, I’m trying to console my 6 year old who is crying uncontrollably out of fear and keep the rest of my kids from getting out of the car.  In the mayhem, I neglected to get the plate, vin and driver’s license numbers.  Stupid.

I call my husband, and he calls the guy who already asks to keep insurance out of it and swears he will help us get it fixed, so being the nice people we are, we’re keeping insurance out of it and giving the guy the benefit of the doubt.  My husband is taking our truck to the body shop of a friend of the guy on Saturday morning to see about getting it fixed.  Here’s praying that it works out smoothly and that my injured truck can be like new again.

In the meantime, I may be not driving, or parking at Trader Joe’s, for a while.

On Wednesdays, I bring my younger three children to the best daycare provider in the history of ever. We’ve known her for a long time and she took care of our oldest children when I worked.  She really has found her calling and has a magic touch to transfom children into civil human beings.

On the way there this morning, we were listening to a gospel CD which we’ve heard many times so my kids know most of the words.  My son pointed out that the next song would contain the words, “the Lord is in the temple.”  Without skipping a beat, he then said, “I love the temples at Red Lobster.”  Yes, folks, the “temple” to him is a red-colored drink with a cherry on top, known to most as a Shirley Temple. Kids rock.

For those that don’t know, we homeschool our children.  Yes, all five of them. For all its challenges, I love it. Compared to twenty years ago according to other pioneering families who have successfully done it that long or longer, homeschooling is easy as pie with all the great resources, classes and curriculum available.  Although I’m not really a baker so pie doesn’t come so easy to me.  Back to homeschooling.  Over the years, we have taken advantage of said resources, doing different things every year, ranging from academic co-ops to field trips to classes to sports to music to art.

This year, as we have a 7th grader and an 8th grader, which means an increased workload, we are pretty focused on academics for them but still want them to be well-rounded.  Our 7th grader, she’ll be called Rebekah, has a God-given athletic bent and will be resuming horseback riding lessons in the next couple of months.  Her goal is to learn to ride English and compete.  She has no fear of horses and has a gift for working with them. Our 8th grader has always loved performing arts.  Both of them took piano lessons for 2 1/2 years (which I also hope to continue as money allows), and while they’re both very good at it and can sight-read music, the older one, Sarah we’ll call her, loves it.  I mean, if she was 2 years old, she would throw a rolling-on-the-floor tantrum when we tell her it’s time to stop practicing and do other work.  Being the dignified teen she is, she scoots the bench in, goes to her room and says nothing to me for the next three hours.  I know her homework doesn’t take THAT long.

But I digress.  She is good.  I don’t say that as just a biased mom (which of course I am), she really is good.  Her teacher has said she has a natural gift, and people in our homeschool circles tell me they look forward to the talent shows because they love to hear her play.  Because of my confidence in her ability not only to play but to learn quickly music that is given to her, I asked her if she wanted to do half of the piano accompaniment for Jubilate Deo’s Christmas performance because they were looking for another pianist to share the load (JD is a homeschool choir led by a woman who has been classically trained in opera, and has quite a gift for working with kids).  Of course, Sarah said YYYEEEESSSS!!! She will play half the performance while the other pianist sings, and vice versa.  Needless to say our house is filled with beautiful Christmas music as she learns new songs each week and practices them.  In fact, she’s playing right now….wait a second,what is that horrid noise????

Screaming.  Like a banshee.  Yes, my son has trained his voice in a different way.  He managed to learn how to scream at the highest pitch a 4-year-old boy’s voice can go (he has four sisters), and add two full octaves to it.  That pitch like nails on a chalkboard, that causes our dog to cower in the corner with his paws over his ears, the one that I swear our neighbors, as understanding as they are, will call the cops about because they know deep down that someone is being murdered. He’s found that his scream is very effective at bringing attention to himself when his sisters aren’t letting him in their rooms, when he can’t have that candy the merchandisers so cleverly place at the checkout, when I walked away from the toy department, and my son (who was also rolling on the floor with limbs flailing like tree branches during a nor’easter), when a toy King from Cars most decidedly was not coming home with us that day.  This situation met his criteria for unleashing that dreaded sound from hell, as does the current one. Apparently someone is trying to take something back from he that he rightfully stole, so at the present moment my house is filled with music and screaming.  And I wouldn’t have it any other way.