Title Pending

My husband and I are in the process of getting to know each other, being open and honest with each other about just about everything, pursuing daily quality time together,putting each other first and trying to understand things from each other’s perspective.  This began at the end of August after hearing for months that he loved me and also that he had no desire for me.  This confused me so I asked him what his definition of love was.  He took that question seriously, and that evening he brought me a journal, some pens and some dark chocolate (for good measure), announced that he had not been loving me, had been very selfish and wanted me to write down what he did that communicated love, or not, and what he could do differently so he could go back and refer to it.  There was much more to it than that, but the main point was that he wanted to know my heart and love me the way love is defined in 1 Corinthians 13.  After years of prayer for both my heart and his, this was answered prayer.  I was speechless and in tears.  Since then, it hasn’t been perfect, but I can see the efforts he is making, and the hardness and bitterness that had built up from feeling invisible, neglected and abandoned for whatever (fill-in-the-blank) has started to melt.  I know, we’ve been married for 14 years, but the last couple of years have been particularly rough to the point where he had been thinking for the last few months about how great he and the kids would be without me, until I asked the love question.  This is a condensed version, and I’ll expand on it later.  I just wanted to lay the background for where we are in our marriage……..

…..so my husband went to zendcon this week.  This is a conference for PHP programmers who program based on the Zend way of doing things.  I’m glad he was able to get some good things out of it.  I was also looking forward to having some awesome time together after he came home early on Thursday afternoon and had the day off on Friday, knowing Monday through Wednesday we’d have no time together.

This explains the disappointment and general feelings of worthlessness I have felt the last two days, beginning on Thursday when he immediately came home and……got on his computer.  It doesn’t help that I’m hormonal, but even under more sane circumstances, I would be hurt and feel rather unimportant.  I had been waiting all week to catch up, to have some good quality time together, maybe talk about some of the things in the book he said he wanted to discuss, and had assumed he missed me so much and knew that I need that time with him that he didn’t want to touch his computer for at least a couple of days. On my part, I didn’t communicate this with him ahead of time.  I did, however, state my feelings, wrote in the journal and left it at that.  On a side note, things started to look up Friday morning before I had to go to traffic court, when we had coffee together, he invited me to come sit with him and was generally more relaxed than he had been Thursday (he also found out that his blood pressure was on the high side, that may have had something to do with his stressed state, but we haven’t talked, so I don’t know).  When I came home from traffic school, his mood was very different so I’ve just been trying to stay out of his way until he indicates that he wants to be around me.  So here we are, both of us on our computers, hardly having said a word to each other all week.  Was it something I did?